“Nobody falls in love quicker than a narcissist who needs a place to live”

We are living in difficult economic times, with the recent pandemic, a rising cost of living, and now we are staring down the barrel of fuel insecurity, especially here in Australia. Since our current lives have become more uncertain, some people (ie narcissists) have become more desperate, and cunning, in the way they target and manipulate others’ emotions in order to serve their own ends. Due to an increase in online dating sites in a post-pandemic world, and in particular, dating sites for the elderly, who become more susceptible to deception by romance scammers. Recent true crime streaming shows including “The Tinder Swindler” and “Dirty John” have highlighted the prevalence of love fraudsters.

With online dating sites being prevalent and an easy way for gold diggers to meet prospective partners, these predators can latch on to lonely, often widowed, divorced or isolated seniors, and take advantage of them with the end goal of obtaining all their assets for themselves, leaving the victim’s family (especially if they have children) with nothing. They may also try to speed up the demise of the new ‘partner’ via various means including working them to the bone around the house so they can take it all for themselves even sooner rather than later.

Red flags to look for:

Narcissists continue to exploit people into their older years, and they get worse with age, so it follows that the people they target are more senior in years too. All the better if the target has built up assets over their lifetime, such as real estate and a sizeable superannuation balance. Some red flags to look for are:

  • The scammer will ‘love bomb’ the target early in the relationship, being charismatic and charming, using excessive flattery and affection, and even offering small material gifts may also feature in the beginning. The narcissist will then profess their undying love for the target, someone they barely know, in order to get the victim to commit to them as soon as possible. Things escalate and get intense, really fast; and
  • The lonely and vulnerable target will feel relieved that someone ‘cares’ about them, and will subsequently make themselves available for the parasitic narcissist, which can be to the point of excluding their own blood relatives/family. The fraudster will also get the victim to pay for things, maybe little things at first, such as drinks, lunches, dinners, testing the waters to see if they’re suitable fodder for extracting bigger sums, including property and other assets, in order to keep the relationship alive.

Once they have you in their clutches, the mask falls off and the narcissist’s true colours show. They may have manipulated you into needlessly selling your house, fully owned, so you can use the funds or part thereof to purchase a house with them. This is especially so if the narcissist doesn’t have the full purchase price and they feel entitled to living somewhere and in an abode better than they can afford – at your expense of course. Then, new cars, the purchase of other vehicles, the taking of overseas and domestic holidays, eating at fine dining establishments and so on are also enjoyed by the narcissist.

So, guess who funds this new lifestyle, or most of it. Guess whose children are now sidelined or even frozen out altogether in favour of the narcissist’s family, extended relatives and friends. Guess who isn’t to have a traditional Christmas get together with their children and family anymore, let alone buy them a gift. Guess who feels silenced while any socialising whatsoever with your family is taken over by the narcissist and snide comments are made, designed to make you feel unwelcome, unaccepted and uncomfortable. Guess whose family receive cheap, insulting birthday gifts, while the narcissist boasts about how much money they are spending on other goods.

Further, guess who can’t have a one-to-one telephone conversation anymore with their children because it is monitored and controlled by the narcissist; who interjects to make smart remarks when it wasn’t even made known they were listening in. Who can never visit their own family, and if they do, it’s for no longer than an hour or so, and the narcissist takes over the ‘conversation’; while travelling anywhere and everywhere for the narcissist’s family is considered fine. Yes, you.

If you have potentially been hooked by one of these vultures, or are the child or relative of a love fraud victim, it may be prudent to do some initial background digging via a private investigator, in order to discover and verify the scammer’s financial status and history, properties owned, any bankruptcies, work history and previous relationships. Get educated about narcissistic personality disorder, and remember, if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is.

Finally, whilst there is no legislating for stupidity, and you can’t save people from themselves, even if you point out the red flags until you’re blue in the face, victims may want to stay in denial rather than admit they have been betrayed and conned. This is especially so if they’re an enabler, which makes it a lot more difficult for them to see the true nature of the narcissist.